I first moved to NYC back in 2007 when I came to the United States with my original band Hypernova. So much has changed yet so much is the same in this beautiful and mysterious city. There's just something in the air in New York. You feel invincible in this city and believe that anything is possible even though deep down inside you know you're shit. You have no choice but to be naked here. But that's the beauty of it all, sort of like what Elvis said : "I'd rather go on hearing your lies, than to go on living without you." Those "lies" New York tells you make life worth living.
Life hasn't been easy the past couple of years in Iran but to be honest it was much better than I make it out to be. One of my biggest problems in life was the fact that I was so ungrateful for everything I had, and this made me always want more or create some sort of self loathing that I was not worthy of this love and attention. I was always swaying in between those negative extremes. It got to a point where I fucked up a beautiful relationship and almost caused great harm upon my own family. Luckily I'm still standing, something that comes naturally to me after I fall into the abyss of despair and depression. I surprise myself at how easily I get back up. I don't know how many more times I may repeat this vicious cycle but a part of me is much calmer and confident these days but also weary that at any turn shit can hit the fan again. Change is the only constant in this game.
I recently went on an ayahuasca journey and for the first time in my life I was forced to completely let go and just accept what was about to happen to me. I won't get in to the details of my introspective journey into myself but if you want a hint I was flirting with some serious Krishna (insert any other deity) level consciousness. It was absolutely the most surreal experience of my life and the craziest thing is that it made realize how good I've had it all this time (eg typical cliche Alchemist story). I was filled with an infinite amount of love and wisdom for myself and the world. Once you get over the self loathing and love yourself the possibilities seem limitless.
I once wrote a line in a song where I say: "I'll always be a servant in the house of love." Now I know what that means. I really want to share this love with as many people as I possibly can. I know it sounds all fluffy and cheesy but by god there's so much love that needs to be spread. Whether it's through my music or more importantly through my actions and daily practices, I really want and need to give back.
I know I won't let myself down anymore. I'm only human after all.